mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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