I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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