I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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