You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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