i don't like sucking hair
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
