Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
