I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
