Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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