Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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