Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
