it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
