The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
