shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
