So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
