you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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