dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
you never un-have a 4some
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
