life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
