drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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