The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
