They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize