Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
