The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Randomize
