Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
