No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
