you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He had one of those small greek statue penises
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
