Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm getting married
To pizza
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
