Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
