By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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