Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
