hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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