I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
high people should be assigned attendants
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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