I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
