My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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