I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
