ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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