i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
How external is "for external use only"?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
