Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
