They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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