if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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