No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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