can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
