thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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