Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
