I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
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