She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
FUCK WHALES
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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