This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
