I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
