we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
