His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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