I want to have your abortion
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
