umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
