so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
someone owes me an orgasm
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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