so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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