So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
