I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
