Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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