i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
