So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
