i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
