Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
