I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
