as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
