I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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