Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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