So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
