11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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