Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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