Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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