Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
