I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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