No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I think I have vodka in my lungs
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
