I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
