Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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