party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
