The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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