She is in my trunk
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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