she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
