I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
