My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
