I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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