Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
