my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
