some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
