after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
