Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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