Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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