he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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